This is pretty much just for me - I honeslty don't care if anyone ever reads it - but if you are reading it - Welcome to my mess. And it will be a mess, I can't spell to save my life (over coming dyslexia on my own hasn't been quiet as successfull as I may have hoped!) My grammer, I'm sure, isn't so great and to be honest - I'm all over the place (Thanks ADHD!) So - this is me.... I'm in my late fourties (yikes!), single mom of 2 (14 yr old boy and 12 yr old girl) I don not work outside of the home (Very lucky, I know this) I am in a wonderful relationship with a man I love more than anything - no plans on getting married again (we both agree on this) But we never say "never". For now though - we are happy where we are. He also has 2 children (16 yr old girl and 10 yr old boy) who we have every other weekend.
Fair warning - I will be venting a lot about all kinds of stuff here! Serioulsy - I need need this! Especailly my ex husband ... ya I could go on for DAYS.... his new wife, my boyfriends ex wife... and God knows what else!
So - here is the "cliff note" version of my marriage. We were together for 21 years total, married 16 of those years. One day in Jan 2011, it was a Wednesday - I was going crazy cleaning my house as we were expecting my entire family including my fathers side of the family to come for a visit (they arrived the following day) and celebrate my grandmothers 90th birthday, so about 10 of them were staying at my house for the weekend. So - on that Wednesday in 2011 my husband came home early - I about fell over! He NEVER came home early... NEVER. I was concerned ... was a problem, was he sick? Who died? that kind of thing. He said he needed to talk to me, sat me on the couch and said "I don't love you anymore and I have no desire to ever love you again" Those were his exact words. Ouch. I was more than a bit confused. Seriously! He has NEVER said a word to me that there was any issue with how he felt about me, or our marriage. Even looking back on things now - I can come up with maybe one or two things he said ... but honestly - that is it! I felt sick to my stomach - myhead whirled, I couldn't focus. What the hell was he talking about? Of course I asked if there was someone else - he said no (which I later found out he lied about - shocker!) I asked if we could go to consuling and work things out - no. For the kids? no. No no no - he was done. He said the last 6 years of our marriage he tried to work on things and he was done. Ummmmm..... 6 years? what? He never bothered to tell me he was "working" on anything.... and just how was he "working" on our marriage? By staying at work until 7 every night? Making sure that everyone and anyone came before his family? Coming home, eating dinner and falling asleep on the couch? That was working on our marriage??? Really???
Ok - so that is how it went down... hit me like a ton of bricks and while I have "bounced back", I'm still hurting, frustraded and pissed off. Would I want him back? Hell no!! I can see now that our marriage wasn't great - still doesn't mean it couldn't be fixed - but - whatever! He got his way... out with the old - in with the new.
My kids are my main focus. They are still hurting as well. People say kids get used to things. I don't think so - everything is out of their control. They bounce from house to house for most of their childhood and they are supposed to be ok? Who the hell makes that shit up!!!?? Really?? Give me any adult and make them bounce back and forth for 10 years and see how they do... different rules, different dynamics constantly. And deal with school, peer pressure and all that crap that our kids deal with these days? It SUCKS for them!! And it's totally NOT FAIR. As adults we are supposed to protect our kids, mold them into wonderful adults - how the hell can I protect my kids when they aren't living with me 100% of the time???
My kids - so they are what I call "interesting" some call them "special needs" ya - they are a handful and need more of me than I can give at times. Let's start with my son. He's 14 now. At 4 yrs old he was diagnoed ADHD (way earlier than the average) now I know some say ADHD is a bunch of BS - to the nay sayers I say - spend one afternoon with my kid off meds and you will be a beleiver - trust me! Actually at 14 he shows signs of his ADHD reducing - pretty exciting to be honest! At 6 he was diagnosed with dyslexia (sounding a little familiar here - ya - I've lived the guilt!) and dysgraphia - I know ... no one know what dysgraphia is... what I tell people to make it as simple as I can is - there is a disconnect when it come to the written word... he has a hard time writing (printing - the school didn't even teach him cursive) Writting a paragraph for him is like me writting an entire page or two.. It's more than difficult for him - sometimes it just doesn't happen. It sucks - it is by far the hardest thing he has delt with - it gets in the way of everything at school, and he is SUPER sensative about it - if a teacher makes a comment about his penmenship - he shuts down completley in that class. Totally frustrating! Rather than turn in something with sloppy handwriting (when I say his hadwritting is bad - let's just say some kindergartners write better) he will take the F so the teacher won't see his handwritting. It's crazy - but it happens so many times! He's a bright kid, funny, whitty and quick! His self estem is horrid (well better this year actually which is nice) Something keeps him from working hard at things... I have yet to figure it out.. I've tried everything - punishments, rewards - everything in between. Nothing works. I keep working on it - not ever going to give up on him. He also has a bit of depression (what kid that has gone through divorce doesn't!?) but that is medicated and mostly under control and will hopefully go away at some point.
My daughter - things aren't as simple with her. Here is her "list": ADHD, Dyslexia, NVLD (non verbal learning disability), SPD (sensory processing disorder), OCD, fear and anxiety. I think there is something else - but I try not to pay attention to the "label" but rather the "issue" The ADHD and dyslexia are the least of my worries. The NVLD is a tough one, but honestly the school has a pretty good handle on that one. The SPD is oh so much fun!!! This is the one that creates the most issues... it's everything from her clothing to large crowds - and who knows what else! The clothing thing is a tough one! She's a bit chunky (both kids have gained a crazy amount of weight since the divorce) and will only wear clothing that is about 1-2 sizes too big. No long sleeves, nothing tight, no jeans, no leggings, no pants with a realy zipper or button type waist band. So basically she wears the same pants (thank goodness it comes in 4 colors!) that's for this year - each year it gets harder and harder. Short sleeve tee shirts that are massive on her... hates jackets. And refuses to wear a bra (UGH!!!! she's 12 - so she is developing - thank goodness slower than most her peers) but I at least got her to wear a camisole under her clothes, no underwear or socks and shoes with no laces. Converse sneakers only (no laces) or Uggs.... in the summer flip flops only. Bathing suit is interesting - it's a womens XL workout shirt - that is BIG and a pair of bike type shorts that are also BIG! As far as school goes - she does ok. B - C student. Is in 2 "special" classes English and Math - she has yet to and probably never will grasp basic math facts. The funny thing is when the school gives her the tri annual testing - she's off charts... basically a super smart kid that totally struggles. Which is so frustrating. Her fears and anxiety are a whole other issue and can be hard to deal with - she goes in spurts... death is a big deal with her - we go through this every couple of months or so. Is heaven real? Will I die if I swallow this? It is tiring - can get up to 50 questions like this a day. She is on meds for this and they do help. Anxiety is tough too - there is a "sweet spot"with her - don't tell her too early or too late about anyhthing... she will freak out or yell at me, get mad, stubborn or a variety of other things. Roller coster ride! OCD is interesting - does things in twos (which is nice that it's a low numer) makes a mistake on a paper - earase - write - earase again! It's hard for her - time consuming and it consumes her thoughts a lot. Fear of spiders and bugs - that is associated with OCD (who knew) but she FREAKS when she sees a spider. At the old house we lived in she saw a spider in her bathroom and refused to use that bathroom for 3 years!!! I check her shower periodically before she goes in to make sure there isn't one in there.
Now for my boyfriend - which is such an odd thing to call him, because he really is so much more than that. He's a pretty awesome guy. It still takes me a minute when he does things for me that no one has ever done. He calls me beautiful, pretty, gorgeous... which I love, makes me feel good. (My ex never said those words to me - EVER) He does things around the house without me asking or having to bug him about it - he just dose them! It amazes me! He brings home flowers for no reason at all every once and a while - sometimes even has them delivered. He cooks for me! Not always - but still - it's awesome. He's kind, considerate, polite, romantic, sweet, and so much more. Oh and he's cute!! Well, actually he's "good looking". He makes me melt. My kids love him. He lives with us, so my kids are around him more than they are around their own father (he only sees them every other Friday to Tuesday morning - his choice) My daughter holds his hand when they walk, she snuggles with him on the couch. My son goes running with him, has conversations with him, and loves to go tot sporting events with him. He also has 2 children. Which I hope we will be getting more time with them (court tomorrow for more time with them!!!) His daughter is 16 - she can be tough - sometimes it's great... others - not so much. She doesn't like new places or people which is hard... not quiet sure how college is going to go for her. She can be a lot like her mom (from what her dad says) But - she's 16 - teenage girl... she'll grow up eventually and then we shall see. His son is 10 - this kid is awesome! Super nice, smart, athletic.. just a great kid. My daughter and him are like 2 peas in a pod sometimes (mindcrafters!) but can also fight like brother and sister.
Basically we are one crazy blended family. It works.
Fair warning - I will be venting a lot about all kinds of stuff here! Serioulsy - I need need this! Especailly my ex husband ... ya I could go on for DAYS.... his new wife, my boyfriends ex wife... and God knows what else!
So - here is the "cliff note" version of my marriage. We were together for 21 years total, married 16 of those years. One day in Jan 2011, it was a Wednesday - I was going crazy cleaning my house as we were expecting my entire family including my fathers side of the family to come for a visit (they arrived the following day) and celebrate my grandmothers 90th birthday, so about 10 of them were staying at my house for the weekend. So - on that Wednesday in 2011 my husband came home early - I about fell over! He NEVER came home early... NEVER. I was concerned ... was a problem, was he sick? Who died? that kind of thing. He said he needed to talk to me, sat me on the couch and said "I don't love you anymore and I have no desire to ever love you again" Those were his exact words. Ouch. I was more than a bit confused. Seriously! He has NEVER said a word to me that there was any issue with how he felt about me, or our marriage. Even looking back on things now - I can come up with maybe one or two things he said ... but honestly - that is it! I felt sick to my stomach - myhead whirled, I couldn't focus. What the hell was he talking about? Of course I asked if there was someone else - he said no (which I later found out he lied about - shocker!) I asked if we could go to consuling and work things out - no. For the kids? no. No no no - he was done. He said the last 6 years of our marriage he tried to work on things and he was done. Ummmmm..... 6 years? what? He never bothered to tell me he was "working" on anything.... and just how was he "working" on our marriage? By staying at work until 7 every night? Making sure that everyone and anyone came before his family? Coming home, eating dinner and falling asleep on the couch? That was working on our marriage??? Really???
Ok - so that is how it went down... hit me like a ton of bricks and while I have "bounced back", I'm still hurting, frustraded and pissed off. Would I want him back? Hell no!! I can see now that our marriage wasn't great - still doesn't mean it couldn't be fixed - but - whatever! He got his way... out with the old - in with the new.
My kids are my main focus. They are still hurting as well. People say kids get used to things. I don't think so - everything is out of their control. They bounce from house to house for most of their childhood and they are supposed to be ok? Who the hell makes that shit up!!!?? Really?? Give me any adult and make them bounce back and forth for 10 years and see how they do... different rules, different dynamics constantly. And deal with school, peer pressure and all that crap that our kids deal with these days? It SUCKS for them!! And it's totally NOT FAIR. As adults we are supposed to protect our kids, mold them into wonderful adults - how the hell can I protect my kids when they aren't living with me 100% of the time???
My kids - so they are what I call "interesting" some call them "special needs" ya - they are a handful and need more of me than I can give at times. Let's start with my son. He's 14 now. At 4 yrs old he was diagnoed ADHD (way earlier than the average) now I know some say ADHD is a bunch of BS - to the nay sayers I say - spend one afternoon with my kid off meds and you will be a beleiver - trust me! Actually at 14 he shows signs of his ADHD reducing - pretty exciting to be honest! At 6 he was diagnosed with dyslexia (sounding a little familiar here - ya - I've lived the guilt!) and dysgraphia - I know ... no one know what dysgraphia is... what I tell people to make it as simple as I can is - there is a disconnect when it come to the written word... he has a hard time writing (printing - the school didn't even teach him cursive) Writting a paragraph for him is like me writting an entire page or two.. It's more than difficult for him - sometimes it just doesn't happen. It sucks - it is by far the hardest thing he has delt with - it gets in the way of everything at school, and he is SUPER sensative about it - if a teacher makes a comment about his penmenship - he shuts down completley in that class. Totally frustrating! Rather than turn in something with sloppy handwriting (when I say his hadwritting is bad - let's just say some kindergartners write better) he will take the F so the teacher won't see his handwritting. It's crazy - but it happens so many times! He's a bright kid, funny, whitty and quick! His self estem is horrid (well better this year actually which is nice) Something keeps him from working hard at things... I have yet to figure it out.. I've tried everything - punishments, rewards - everything in between. Nothing works. I keep working on it - not ever going to give up on him. He also has a bit of depression (what kid that has gone through divorce doesn't!?) but that is medicated and mostly under control and will hopefully go away at some point.
My daughter - things aren't as simple with her. Here is her "list": ADHD, Dyslexia, NVLD (non verbal learning disability), SPD (sensory processing disorder), OCD, fear and anxiety. I think there is something else - but I try not to pay attention to the "label" but rather the "issue" The ADHD and dyslexia are the least of my worries. The NVLD is a tough one, but honestly the school has a pretty good handle on that one. The SPD is oh so much fun!!! This is the one that creates the most issues... it's everything from her clothing to large crowds - and who knows what else! The clothing thing is a tough one! She's a bit chunky (both kids have gained a crazy amount of weight since the divorce) and will only wear clothing that is about 1-2 sizes too big. No long sleeves, nothing tight, no jeans, no leggings, no pants with a realy zipper or button type waist band. So basically she wears the same pants (thank goodness it comes in 4 colors!) that's for this year - each year it gets harder and harder. Short sleeve tee shirts that are massive on her... hates jackets. And refuses to wear a bra (UGH!!!! she's 12 - so she is developing - thank goodness slower than most her peers) but I at least got her to wear a camisole under her clothes, no underwear or socks and shoes with no laces. Converse sneakers only (no laces) or Uggs.... in the summer flip flops only. Bathing suit is interesting - it's a womens XL workout shirt - that is BIG and a pair of bike type shorts that are also BIG! As far as school goes - she does ok. B - C student. Is in 2 "special" classes English and Math - she has yet to and probably never will grasp basic math facts. The funny thing is when the school gives her the tri annual testing - she's off charts... basically a super smart kid that totally struggles. Which is so frustrating. Her fears and anxiety are a whole other issue and can be hard to deal with - she goes in spurts... death is a big deal with her - we go through this every couple of months or so. Is heaven real? Will I die if I swallow this? It is tiring - can get up to 50 questions like this a day. She is on meds for this and they do help. Anxiety is tough too - there is a "sweet spot"with her - don't tell her too early or too late about anyhthing... she will freak out or yell at me, get mad, stubborn or a variety of other things. Roller coster ride! OCD is interesting - does things in twos (which is nice that it's a low numer) makes a mistake on a paper - earase - write - earase again! It's hard for her - time consuming and it consumes her thoughts a lot. Fear of spiders and bugs - that is associated with OCD (who knew) but she FREAKS when she sees a spider. At the old house we lived in she saw a spider in her bathroom and refused to use that bathroom for 3 years!!! I check her shower periodically before she goes in to make sure there isn't one in there.
Now for my boyfriend - which is such an odd thing to call him, because he really is so much more than that. He's a pretty awesome guy. It still takes me a minute when he does things for me that no one has ever done. He calls me beautiful, pretty, gorgeous... which I love, makes me feel good. (My ex never said those words to me - EVER) He does things around the house without me asking or having to bug him about it - he just dose them! It amazes me! He brings home flowers for no reason at all every once and a while - sometimes even has them delivered. He cooks for me! Not always - but still - it's awesome. He's kind, considerate, polite, romantic, sweet, and so much more. Oh and he's cute!! Well, actually he's "good looking". He makes me melt. My kids love him. He lives with us, so my kids are around him more than they are around their own father (he only sees them every other Friday to Tuesday morning - his choice) My daughter holds his hand when they walk, she snuggles with him on the couch. My son goes running with him, has conversations with him, and loves to go tot sporting events with him. He also has 2 children. Which I hope we will be getting more time with them (court tomorrow for more time with them!!!) His daughter is 16 - she can be tough - sometimes it's great... others - not so much. She doesn't like new places or people which is hard... not quiet sure how college is going to go for her. She can be a lot like her mom (from what her dad says) But - she's 16 - teenage girl... she'll grow up eventually and then we shall see. His son is 10 - this kid is awesome! Super nice, smart, athletic.. just a great kid. My daughter and him are like 2 peas in a pod sometimes (mindcrafters!) but can also fight like brother and sister.
Basically we are one crazy blended family. It works.
